[ Man Narrating ] I'm not ashamed.
I've known love.
I've known rejection.
I'm not afraid to declare my feelings.
Take trust, for instance. Or friendship.
These are the important things in life.
These are the things that matter, that help you on your way.
If you can't trust your friends, well, what then?
What then?
This could have been any city. They're all the same.
[ Buzzing ]
Hello. I've come about the room.
[ Man ] So, what's his name?
I don't know.
Campbell or something.
Cameron.
- Cameron? - Mm-hmm.
- Really? - [ Cameron ] That's right.
[ Man ] What?
Uh-
Well, are you comfortable, Cameron?
Yes, thanks.
- You've seen the flat? - Yes.
And you like it?
- Yes. It's great. - Yes, it is, isn't it?
And we all like it. The room's nice, too, don't you think?
Yes.
Spacious, bright, well-appointed - all that sort of stuff.
All that sort of crap.
Well, yes.
Yes. So tell me, Cameron. Just tell me, 'cause I'd like to know.
What on earth could make you think we'd want to share a flat like this with someone like you?
I mean, my first impressions - and they're rarely wrong -
is that you have none of the qualities we normally seek from a prospective flatmate.
Talking here about things like presence, charisma, style and charm.
And I don't think we're asking too much. I don't think we're being unreasonable.
- [ Stifled Laughing ] - Take David here, for instance -
a chartered accountant he may be, but at least he tries hard.
Trouble is, I just don't think you're trying.
And, Cameron, I mean this - good luck!
[ Laughing ]
[ All Laughing Uproariously ]
- Just a few questions. - I'd like to ask you about your hobbies.
- Why do you want a room here? - Do you smoke?
Now when you sacrifice a goat and you rip its heart out with your bare hands...
do you then summon hellfire?
It's a fairly straightforward question.
Either you're divorced or you're not.
Or do you just send out for a pizza?
Do a little freebase maybe, from time to time?
When you get up in the morning, how do you decide which shade of black to wear?
Okay, I'm going to play just a few seconds of this tape.
I'd like you to name the song, the lead singer...
and three hit singles subsequently recorded by him with another band.
♪♪ [ Techno ]
[ Male Singer, Distorted ] Flip side.
Now let me get this straight.
This affair that you're not having -
is it not with a man or not with a woman?
Turning very briefly to corporate finance -
- David. - No, this is important.
- Leveraged buyouts - a good thing or a bad thing? - [ Sighs ]
When did anyone last say to you these exact words -
"You are the sunshine of my life"?
[ Sobbing ]
And how would you react, then, if I told you I was the Antichrist?
[ Bicycle Bell Ringing ]
[ Flashbulb Popping ]
Do you like my picture?
Defeat!
Defeat, defeat!
Sporting, personal, financial...
professional sexual - and everything.
[ Panting ]
Next.
- Did you know that - - Alex.
Just serve.
[ Grunts ]
- [ Alex ] Anyway, I wasn't trying to win. - [ Others Laughing ]
No, I don't wish to devalue your victory, Juliet. All I'm saying is I wasn't trying to win.
Victory is the same as defeat. It's giving in to destructive competitive urges.
Oh, did you learn that in your psychotherapy group, David?
Discussion group, Alex. Discussion.
- I thought you'd stopped going. - Yeah, well, he had too many of those urges.
You of all people should know about that.
God, you two are sensitive.
All I'm doing is implying some kind of ugly, sordid sexual liaison.
Why, I'd be proud of that sort of thing.
Maybe you should go, Alex. You'll meet someone wonderful.
For my life? At a discussion group?
- I think not. - For the flat.
No, it'll be someone like him. And one's enough, thank you very much.
- What about that girl? - What girl?
That friend of yours, the one that came round.
Now, I liked her. We had something.
She could have moved in. We had, uh, chemistry.
- She hated you. - Well, she had problems.
- More than anyone she had ever met - - No, I'd be the first one to admit -
- in her entire life. - In all kindness, I would.
[ Alex ] But like they say, you know, she's got to want to change, hasn't she?
[ Doorbell Buzzing ]
You must be Hugo.
And you must be Juliet.
Would you like to come in?
I'd be delighted.
[ Juliet ] What do you do?
I Hugo} Well, I've been away for a while -
uh, traveling, you know, that kind of thing.
- And now I'm writing a novel. - Oh.
What's it about?
It's actually about a priest who dies.
[ Juliet ] I see.
[ Hugo ] Yeah, maybe you're fight. Maybe I ought to change if.
- No. - No, no, no. I think you're right.
I mean, who wants to read another story about a dead priest?
In fact, it's about another guy. He's not a priest.
And he lives. He doesn't die.
[ Both Chuckling ]
See, it's better already.
Writing seems easy.
Oh, yeah, it's a breeze. No problem.
[ Phone Rings ]
[ Ringing Continues ]
Do you think you could answer that?
- What, the telephone? - The telephone, but -
If it's for me, I'm not here.
Right. You're not here.
Okay.
[ Ringing ]
Hello?
Uh, yes, it is. Yes.
Who's calling, please?
Well, I'm sorry, but she's not - She's not in right now.
Uh, no, I've got absolutely no idea.
Um, would you like to leave a message?
Okay. Good-bye.
That was, uh, a guy called Brian.
- Did he sound upset? - A little bit, yeah.
- Is that good or bad? - It's an improvement.
[ Phone Rings ]
- Shall I, um, get the phone? - No, just leave it.
He knows I'm probably at home. I'm working nights this week.
You're working nights?
I'm a doctor.
Ah, and he's a patient?
[ Laughs ] No, but he needs treatment.
[ Chuckles ] For what?
A certain weakness.
The human condition?
[ Juliet ] Oh, you know about it?
Well, I write about it.
And that's not the same thing?
No. But like all novelists, I'm in search of the self.
[ Alex ] Has he tried down the back of the fridge? That's where I normally find things.
He seemed like a nice guy, Alex.
I'm not saying he didn't seem like a nice guy.
I'm just saying it's a bit strange, you know, this search of the self or whatever he's on about.
He didn't seem strange, Alex.
He seemed...
you know, interesting.
Interesting?
- Interesting? - [ Phone Rings ]
[ Ringing ]
Hello?
No, she's not in.
I don't know. I've no idea.
- [ Handset Settles In Cradle ] - Who was it?
I don't know. He sounded Swedish.
- Do you know any Swedish men? - No.
- Maybe it was just the emotion. - [ Door Opens ]
- What do you think? - About what?
About this guy, this Hugo person.
- I don't have the time. - I'm just asking what you think.
I don't have the time. I don't care, so long as he's not a freak.
David. It's your mother's handwriting. I didn't open it.
I don't like reading about your father's constipation.
- [ Juliet ] So we'll meet him then. - [ Alex ] What?
Yeah, yeah, whatever.
I tell you, every letter this guy writes you is the same.
They all begin like true love and descend into open pornography.
"I dream of your thighs...
the touch of your white skin leading me in desire...
- while I, aroused and inflamed" - - Alex.
Aroused and inflamed?
Even signs them in his own name. Can you believe that?
I'd sign someone else's. I'd sign his name -
if I wrote them, that is, which I don't.
- [ Alex ] "Interesting." - [ Hugo ] Really?
Yes, well, that's what she said. "Interesting."
You see, that's why you're here.
Normally, I don't usually meet people unless I already know them.
- Oh, I see. - People can be so cruel.
80, um - [ Clears Throat ]
Well, uh, we think it's fine.
Ah. So I can have the room?
[ Juliet ] Yes, you can have the room.
[ Alex ] Oh. I'm not usually drunk.
- Not usually this drunk. - Only on expenses.
No, it's true. A newspaper is paying for all this.
In a moment he's going to tell you he could have been someone -
- It was you, Juliet. It was you. - Instead of what he is, which is -
- What I am, which is a hack. - the man we know and love.
Miserable, tired out, empty shell of a - "Know and love"?
Yeah.
- I think you're lying. - You're right.
You see, they don't really know me.
No, Alex. We don't really love you.
[ Chuckles ]
Can you afford this place?
Oh, yeah.
- Can I ask you a question? - Certainly.
Have you ever killed a man?
[ A.T.M. Beeps, Whirs ]
- [ Grunting ] - [ Groaning ]
[ Beeping ]
No.
- [ Groaning ] - [ Beeps ]
Well, that's fair enough then.
- [ Grunting ] - [ Groaning ]
[ Sniffing ]
Well, it certainly smells like the real thing.
[ Alex Laughing ]
[ Beeping ]
- [ Objects Clatter ] - [ Lock Turns ]
[ Door Thuds ]
[ Alarm Beeping ]
[ Beeping Stops ]
[ Male Announcer ] Rangers have made a few dramatic comebacks this season...
but they'll really have to draw on all of their resource -
[ Channels Changing ]
- [ Woman On TV ] Scotland today can reveal - - [ Crowd Cheering ]
- Have you seen Hugo? - No.
Any idea which channel he's on?
- ...for the High Court in Edinburgh - - [ Bird Squawking ]
- [ Crowd Cheering ] - [ Alex ] Oh, for fuck's sake!
[ Phone Rings ]
- [ Footsteps Approaching ] - [ Ringing ]
No, she's not in!
[ Toilet Flushes ]
- Have you seen him? - I don't have the time.
[ Alex ] Yes or no?
- Oh, David, yes or - - No!
- David hasn't seen him either. - So I gathered.
- Maybe he didn't like us. - David?
- No. Hugo. - His car's still there.
- He's got a car? - Yeah. What's wrong with that?
- What sort of car? - I don't know, Alex. I'm just a girl.
Oh, look, I'll ask you just once more. What sort of car?
A blue one. Okay?
And it's still there.
Yeah, Hugo, look, I'm sorry about this, but can you open your door?
It's us, your flatmates and companions. Your newfound friends.
He's not there. I can't see him at all.
Maybe he's in the wardrobe?
- Of course he's not in the bloody wardrobe. - [ Juliet Laughing ]
[ David ] It was a joke, Alex.
Well, I think he's probably left. We'll probably never see him again.
Alex.
The key is in the keyhole on the other side.
- So? - Open it.
- You want me to kick this in? - Yeah.
- Now? - Yeah.
Okay, no problem.
[ Thumping ]
Do you want a go?
[ Alex ] Okay, you size that up.
[ Juliet Laughing ]
[ Exhales ]
Is this what they always look like?
Yes.
- Wonder how he did it. - [ Juliet ] Did what?
[ Alex ] Well, killed himself. I presume that's what's happened.
[ Alex ] What do you think?
- Alex! - What? What's wrong?
- What are you doing? - I'm just looking.
- Don't. - Don't look?
- No. - Why not?
What's wrong, Juliet? Aren't you curious?
- Don't you wonder what he died from? - No.
The guy's dead. What more do you need?
It's not every day I find a story in my own flat.
It's not a story, Alex. It's a corpse.
I've never seen a dead body before.
[ Drawers Clattering ]
I saw my grandmother, of course, but I don't suppose that counts.
I mean... she was alive at the time.
[ Line Ringing ]
Can I show you something?
[ Breathing Heavily ]
[ Woman On Phone ] Emergency. Which service?
Emergency. Which -
No.
- Just think about it. - No.
- Come on, David. - No.
Juliet.
- No, Alex. It's - - It's what?
- Unfeasible. - Oh, is that all?
- [ David ] You mean immoral. - I know what I mean.
[ Alex ] Look, I'm only asking you both to think about it.
It's a sick idea, Alex. It's sick.
Yeah, but don't tell me you're not tempted.
Don't tell me you're not interested. I know you well enough.
Oh, you think so?
Well, go ahead then, telephone.
Telephone the police.
Go ahead. No one's gonna stand in your way.
Telephone and tell them.
Tell 'em there's a suitcase full of money and you don't want it.
[ Laughs ]
[ Laughing ]
♪♪ [ Piano Intro: Up-Tempo Jazz ]
[ Woman ] ♪ My baby don't care for shows ♪
♪ My baby don't care for clothes ♪
♪ My baby just cares for me ♪
♪ My baby don't care for ♪
♪ Cars and races ♪
♪ My baby don't care for ♪
♪ High-tone places ♪
♪ Liz Taylor is not his style ♪
[ Alex ] Now, is there a pet in the house?
Yeah, a pet. You know, like a dog or a budgie or a gerbil or something.
You see, what I need here is...
"P.C. Plod Saves Harry the Hamster from House of Horror," you know?
All right. Well, that's a pity. You see, no pets, no human angle.
- [ Laughs ] - You're such a flirt.
♪♪ [ Continues, Instrumental ]
- [ Woman ] Hi there. - [ Juliet ] Hello.
- What happened to that guy? - What guy?
- That guy - the one that died. - What guy that died?
- That one last week. - Here?
- Yes, here. Where else? - Oh, him.
- Well, he died. - That's what I thought.
Hello? Have you got room for an overnighter?
♪♪ [ Continues ]
♪ My baby don't care ♪
♪ For cars and races ♪
[ Scatting ] ♪ Baby don't care for ♪
- [ Door Closes ] - ♪ He don't care for high-tone places ♪
♪ Liz Taylor is not his style ♪
- He's still here? - [ Alex ] Yeah, he couldn't get his car started.
When are you gonna let the police know?
Well, you phone them if you want, David.
- What about you? - Well, I'm getting used to having him around.
♪ I wonder what is wrong ♪
♪ With baby ♪
♪ My baby just cares for ♪
♪ My baby just cares ♪
♪ For me ♪♪
[ Man ] What is it we do here, David?
Sorry?
- Here. - Right here?
In this firm.
Well, it's a wide range of, uh -
Accounting, David.
- Chartered accounting - - Exactly what I was -
is often sneered at. Were you aware of that?
Not any real sneering as such, no.
There's a whole wide world out there...
and it all needs to be accounted for, does it not?
Well, I -
- But they sneer, do they not? - I'm not sure.
Oh, it's unfashionable, I know, but, yes, we're methodical.
Yes, we're diligent. Yes, we're serious.
And where's the crime in that?
Why not shout it from the rooftops?
Yes, maybe sometimes we're a wee bit boring...
but, by God, we get the job done.
Yes, sir.
Now, that's why I think you fit in here.
I'm boring?
[ Chuckles ] You get the job done.
Oh, I see. I thought you meant -
Which is why I'm trusting you with this client.
[ Soft Chattering ]
[ Phone Rings ]
[ Quietly ] Good morning. Lumsden, Lumsden Associates.
Can I help you?
Yeah, I'll just check that for you.
[ Hushed Chattering ]
Let's do it.
[ Alex ] Good. Let's talk about disposal.
Now, we have to make that body unidentifiable.
And burning, dumping at sea and straightforward burial are all flawed -
either by fingerprints or, more commonly, by dental records.
This I have learned.
Now what I suggest is that we bury him out in the forest.
But first of all, we remove his hands and his feet, which we incinerate.
And his teeth - which we just remove.
It's as simple as that.
- [ Alex ] David. - [ Snaps ]
[ Laughs ] I've always wondered what these were for.
- [ Tool Clatters In Bin ] - Now -
Oh, this is what we need.
And, um -
[ Woman On PA. ] Gary to the service desk, please.
And this.
- And what else? - I don't know.
A spade. We need a spade.
David, I wish you'd concentrate. We need a spade if we're gonna dig a pit.
- So, who's gonna do it? - Dig the pit? I don't know.
- No, not that. - Then what? Who's gonna do what?
You know what I'm talking about. Who's gonna do it?
Do I? What? What are you talking about?
You know what. Who's gonna do it?
We all are, David. We're all gonna do it - each of us.
You, me and Juliet will do his or her bit, okay?
- Fair enough? - I can't do it.
- I don't hear this. - I won't be able to do it.
Are you telling me you want out already?
Are you telling me you don't want the money?
- Hugo is going off. He smells. - Shh!
The flat smells. We can't wait any longer.
I'm just telling you I won't be able to cut him up.
[ Loud Clatter ]
[ Muffled Clattering ]
[ Clattering Continues ]
- Who's going to do it? - Well, I thought we all were.
I don't think I can.
But, Juliet, you're a doctor. You kill people every day.
That's different.
I still don't want to.
And now you tell me.
[ Muffled Gasping ]
There's something I want to ask.
I don't know! I swear to God I don't know!
Family? Friends?
Drugged-up, wandering, suicidal...
search-for-the-self fuck-ups don't have families, David!
- I just thought we should discuss it. - Take his legs!
- Where's Hugo? - [ Mutters ]
[ Whispers ] It's all right.
- [ Footsteps Shuffling ] - [ Alex ] Fuck!
[ Grunting, Panting ]
I can't see what's happening.
[ Muttering ]
[ Alex ] What are you doin'?
Let me past. Let me past.
[ Yelps ]
[ Flashlight Clatters ]
Okay. Take your time.
[ Muttering ]
- Pick him up! - Shh!
Pick him up. Pick him up!
Shh!
I swear to God I don't know! I don't know!
[ Groans ]
Stupid fuckin' bastard.
[ Laughing ]
Why don't we draw lots for it?
Whoever draws the short straw does it all.
That way, you either do it or you don't. All or nothing.
Okay. I can go with that.
- David? - I don't know.
Look, if I draw the short straw, then I'll do it.
But I'm not going to do it just because you won't.
[ Engine Starts ]
[ Engine Stops ]
[ Owl Shrieking ]
All right then. Here we are, and this is it.
Do you want to play or not?
I can't do it.
- [ Sawing Bone ] - [ Grunting ]
[ Spades Digging ]
[ Grunting Continues ]
[ Sawing ]
[ Groaning, Grunting ]
[ Retching, Gagging ]
- [ Panting ] - [ Sawing Continues ]
I've finished.
Aye, but not quite.
Is that gonna be deep enough?
Don't worry about that.
- Is this necessary? - Yes!
Now come on. All or nothing!
[ Hammers Smashes ]
[ Skull Crunches ]
[ Smashing Continues ]
- [ Knocking ] - [ Door Opens ]
[ Juliet ] Are you all right?
Oh, yes, I'm fine, thanks. Just fine.
- Would you like to talk about it? - No.
[ Water Running ]
[ Female Host ] These three people get their chance to...
lose a million.
- ♪♪ [ Theme ] - [ Audience Applauding ]
[ Audience Cheering ]
[ Laughing ]
[ Male Host ] Yes, all right.
Hello there and welcome aboard once again onto the millionaire's yacht.
As you can see, it's just like the Mary Celeste reallly...
but without the party atmosphere.
As you know, on Lose A Million, the object is not to Win the game...
- but to - - [ With Audience ] Lose.
- Not to give right answers, but - - Wrong ones.
- Not to do well, but to do really - - Badly.
- And above all, to fly and make a total - - Hotchpotch.
[ Audience Laughing ]
- [ Laughing ] - [ Host Continues, Indistinct ]
[ Juliet ] Be careful.
3; [ Loud Drumming ]
A"; [ Continues ]
Alex!
I don't know why we couldn't just stuff it in a mattress or under the floorboards...
like any other human being.
[ Juliet ] Stop nagging, Alex.
[ Alex ] We could have hid it in the fridge.
[ Door Closes ]
[ Sizzling ]
[ Metallic Clattering ]
- [ Beeping ] - [ Clattering ]
[ Alex Whoops ]
[ Laughs ]
[ Panting ]
Whoo!
- [ Fireworks Burst ] - [ Crowd Applauding ]
[ Cheering, Applauding ]
Ladies and gentlemen.
Could I have your attention, please?
First of all, I'd like to thank you all for coming here tonight...
to help us raise funds for the Sick Children's Unit.
♪♪ [ Drumroll, Cymbal Crash ]
You never told me this was for children. I hate children.
I'd raise money to have the little fuckers put down.
Shh!
Oi! I want my money back!
Right.
But before the dancing starts, ladies and gentlemen -
Excuse me!
I would like to pay tribute to, to give a vote of thanks...
to the few people who have worked so hard to make this occasion actually happen.
- I'm referring, of course - - Do you know many of these people?
Yes, they're my friends.
Oh, so if they want to speak to you, we tell them that you're not here.
[ Speaker, Crowd Chuckling ]
But, ladies and gentlemen -
and those of you who are neither - [ Chuckles ] or both -
♪♪ [ Drumroll, Cymbal Crash ]
- Where did they dig him up? - Make your way to the dance floor -
and form sets for strip the willow.
3; [ Fanfare ]
- Are we going to dance? - Well, it's physical contact, isn't it?
♪♪ [ Scottish Country Dance ]
- ♪♪ [ Hornpipe ] - [ Whooping ]
[ Laughing ]
[ Scoffs ]
[ Laughing ]
[ Ragged Breathing ]
[ Man ] Okay.
[ Grunts ] Talk to me.
- [ Shuddering ] - Talk to me.
[ Stammering, Shuddering ]
Okay. Give me a hand.
No, man! Don't! Please don't, man!
Please don't, man!
No! No! No, man! Please!
No, man! Don't!
[ Muffled ] Please! Please! Don't!
Please! Let me out!
[ Shouting ]
[ Sobbing, Shouting ]
A"; [ Band: Waltz ]
[ Shrieks ] Oh, my God!
[ Laughing ]
- Listen, can we talk about something? - Not now. I have an idea.
It's important. We need to decide -
Will you just stop worrying?
To love and to happiness forever.
Forever and ever!
- What's wrong? - I want to talk. Now.
Not until you've drunk to love and happiness forever.
- Now! - After!
David, I promise we will. Just keep him happy.
It's not for me. It's for love and happiness forever.
Look over there!
- It's Cameron. - Who?
- Cameron. You remember Cameron. - No, I don't.
- What's he doing here? - That's not him.
It is. Cameron!
Cameron! Come on over here. Come on!
What?
- Nothing. We thought you were someone else. - [ Snickering ]
[ Alex ] Good luck! [ Laughs ]
I love that guy, but why does he have to follow us around?
Anyway, what I was wanting to say was this -
[ Man ] Aha! The divine Juliet.
Long time no see.
- Brian. - Would you care to dance?
Hold on there. Who do you think you are?
- What? - Who do you think you are?
- You interrupted us. - Why, I'm Brian McKinley.
And who are you?
Well, Brian McKinley, if you want to talk to my girlfriend, you talk to me first.
If you want to dance with her, you apply in writing three weeks in advance...
or you're gonna end up inside a fucking binbag!
You didn't apply, so you don't dance!
Do you think you could be a little more forceful next time?
I'm sorry.
No. No, I think he got the message.
That was quite stressful. I found that quite stressful.
Yeah, but you were good. He was really good.
"Fucking binbag." I liked that.
You really explored your maleness to the full there.
- Do you think so? - Well, you certainly had a good look around.
You were magnificent.
[ Laughs ] Yeah.
"Fucking binbag"!
[ All Laughing ]
-♪♪ [ Ends ] - [ Applause ]
3; [ Band Resumes ]
[ Urinating ]
[ Laughing ]
"Fucking binbag." [ Laughs ]
[ Zipper Zips ]
[ Sighs ]
Cameron! What a surprise!
[ Toilet Flushes ]
[ Sighs ]
[ Door Opens ]
[ Door Thuds ]
[ Phone Rings ]
[ Ringing Continues ]
Hello?
[ Handset Slams In Cradle ]
- Who was it? - Don't know.
No one said anything.
What, rendered speechless with desire?
I recall that feeling from the days when I had such a thing.
- Are you all right? - No.
Then let's spend some money.
Hello.
It's been a struggle, but now our days of worry are over.
The light at the end of the tunnel has expanded into a golden sunrise.
And now, at last - at long last -
nothing will ever be the same again.
[ Juliet, Alex Laughing ]
[ Juliet ] Whoa!
[ Laughing, Shrieking ]
Excuse me. Where's the beast?
[ Motor Whirring ]
[ Shouts ]
[ Laughter Continues ]
[ Juliet Yelps ]
[ Motor Whirring ]
[ Juliet Laughs, Whoops ]
This is Alex Law reporting on the video diary of his own life.
Let me tell you, I'm so happy, I could die.
[ Both Cackling ]
[ Doll Laughing, Cooing ]
- [ Both Laughing ] - I think we ought to scrub this, don't you?
Oh, will you relax?
You'll be making us all nervous.
- How much did you pay for this? - I don't know.
- How much? - I don't know.
- How much? - I can't remember.
- How much? Tell me how much you paid for it. - I don't know. I can't remember.
- How much did you pay for this? - I don't know, David.
- How much? - No idea.
- How much did you pay? - I don't know. I don't know!
How much did you pay for this?
£500.
- £500? - £500.
You paid £500 for this?
That's what it cost, David.
No, no. That's what you paid for it.
£500 is what you paid for it.
We don't know how much it cost us yet.
For you two to have a good time, we don't know the cost of that yet.
[ Phone Ringing ]
[ Laughing, Cooing ]
[ Chattering ]
[ Woman ] What were they doing?
[ Chattering Continues ]
Excuse me. Did they take anything?
[ Alex ] Is that enough for you?
- Oi. - What?
- Is that enough for you? - Yes, that's fine.
There's plenty more.
That's fine.
- What's wrong? - Nothing.
- You're not eating. - Not eating what?
- Well, you're not eating like you used to. - If you give me the plate, I'll eat.
[ Wine Pouring ]
[ Alex ] Now swallow.
[ Swallows ]
You should spend some of that money instead of worrying about it.
- That's my advice. - He's right. You'd feel so much better about it all.
Once it's spent, you don't have to worry about it.
- Be like a weight off your shoulders. - You know we're right.
- Don't you? - I want to secure it.
Secure it? What, you want to put it in a bank? You don't wanna put it in a bank, do you?
- What, do you want to bury it? Is that it? - Oh, I don't see the point in that. It's stupid.
Of course it's stupid. Look. We did what we did. We took the money.
It was a material calculation.
What's the point if it's underground in some funny bank in some funny place?
If you can't have it, if you can't spend it, then what use is it? None.
It's all for nothing if you do that.
Now I didn't get into this for nothing, so that I could have nothing.
Yeah, and you didn't saw his feet off.
Tastes different.
[ Ceiling Joist Creaks ]
- [ Footsteps ] - [ Joists Creaking ]
[ Footsteps Continue ]
David, what are you doing up there?
[ Alex ] Will you come down now? It's not safe up there.
Are you listening to me?
Security and insanity are not the same thing.
Shit.
[ Alex ] I don't care what you say. A grown man shouldn't be living in a loft.
He isn't safe up there.
If you cared about him at all, then you'd use your influence to get him down.
- Then he'd be safe. - And the money?
- Well, we could put it somewhere. - Where he can't get it.
Well, you thought of that, not me.
- Forget it. He'll come down. - [ Sighs ]
Oh, Juliet, look.
[ Thumping ]
[ Drill Whirring ]
Hello, Mr. Lumsden. It's David Stephens here.
I'm sorry, sir. I won't be able to make it to the office today.
It's my mother, sir. She's very ill, and I think I need to be with her just now.
I don't know. The doctors aren't sure. It could go either way.
Yes, sir, I'll certainly stay in touch.
[ Handset Settles In Cradle ]
[ Cutlery Clinking ]
- [ Alex ] Good day? - [ Juliet ] What?
- [ Alex ] Good day? - [ Juliet ] What are you talking about?
- I'm just asking if you had a good day at work. - [ Juliet ] Why?
Well, I thought I'd make conversation.
- Please, I'd rather you didn't. - [ Doorbell Buzzes ]
- Are you expecting anyone? - No.
- Oh. - Aren't you going to answer it?
Well, I'm not expecting anyone either.
[ Doorbell Buzzes ]
[ Men Shouting ]
[ Grunting ]
[ Screaming, Gasping ]
- [ Groans ] - [ Screaming ]
[ Screams ]
[ Screaming ]
[ Alex Whimpering ]
[ Sobbing ]
It's in the loft! In the loft!
[ Groaning ]
[ Crowbar Clangs ]
[ Sobbing ]
[ Footsteps Approaching ]
[ Creaking ]
[ Sobbing ]
- [ Loud Thud ] - [ Man Groans ]
[ Electricity Crackles ]
- [ Loud Thud ] - [ Juliete Gasps ]
[ Sobbing Softly ]
[ Juliet Sobbing ]
[ Man ] September the 19th, direct flight, London Heathrow to Rio de Janeiro.
It's British Airways. You're lookin' at £765. That's 7-6-5.
- That sounds fine. - Air Portugal, on the other hand, that's via Lisbon.
Same day, it's £565. 5-6-5.
- Is catering important? - What?
Air France, Glasgow direct.
[ Chuckles ] But then you're looking at the wrong end of £912. That's 9-1-2.
- The first one was fine. Heathrow direct. - That's up to you.
Air Patagonia - that's a new outfit. Via -
Well, via lots of different places really.
Well, it's no catering. That's £411. 4-1-1.
It's good value, but refueling at Bogotá is variable.
The first one was fine.
- Oh, it's up to you. - [ Computer Beeps ]
7-6-5. How will you be paying?
[ Footsteps ]
[ Footsteps Continue ]
[ Man On TV ] Oh, God!
Oh, Jesus Christ!
[ Footsteps Continue ]
Oh, my God!
Christ!
No, no! Dear God! No! Christ!
[ Thumping, Creaking ]
[ Drill Whirring ]
[ Whirring Continues ]
[ Alex Mutters ]
[ Alex ] No, and that's it. I refuse to discuss it any further.
- It's the only way. - No, I refuse.
- You're frightened! - I'm not frightened.
I'm a little terrified maybe.
Did you see what happened to the last two people that tried to do that?
They went up there alive, and they came back down dead.
Did you notice that? The difference, I mean.
Alive, dead. Dead, alive. That sort of thing.
It wasn't difficult to spot.
He killed them both.
He cut them up!
Yeah, but you'll be all right.
- And how's that? - Because you're smarter than he is.
[ Sniffs ] Yeah, well, that's what I've always thought.
[ Papers Rustling ]
[ Doorbell Buzzes ]
[ Footsteps Approaching ]
Good evening. I'm Detective Inspector McCall. This is D.C. Mitchell.
I wonder if we could ask you some questions.
- What about? - It's about the burglary.
- Burglary? - Downstairs.
Of course.
Can we come in?
So I just heard her cries for help and all that.
And when I went downstairs, there were already those other people there...
so I just stood around, you know, waiting, the way people do.
And when your colleagues arrived, I came back upstairs.
That's about all, I think.
I didn't actually see anything useful, I don't think.
And the other three people living in the flat - did they hear anything?
There are only two other people in the flat.
- Two? - Who said there were four?
We understood there were four people living here.
Not always, of course, but now. Four.
No. Three. Who said there were four?
How strange.
And how unsatisfactory to have misleading information.
Only three people here - you're sure?
Yes, absolutely. Who said there were four?
Make a note of that, Mitchell.
Only three rather than four. Write it down.
You can use numbers or words. I've no preference.
- Which are you using? - Both, sir.
Excellent.
D.C. Mitchell is a rising star, Mr. Stephens.
Under my tutelage, he will undoubtedly make the grade.
I see.
I doubt it.
- [ Alex ] And you'll wait in the hall. - [ Juliet ] I'll wait there.
And if it sounds like I'm getting killed or anything...
- you'll call the police and tell them everything. - Everything.
Except maybe that it was his idea in the first place.
Now that's important to me. I need to die misunderstood.
- Alex. - What?
As smart as you are, you might need a little help.
[ Footsteps ]
[ Alex ] Now, David, what I'm gonna do is...
I'm gonna open this lock...
and I'm gonna come up.
But what's really important is that you remain calm.
Okay?
- [ Screams ] - Alex!
It's all right. It's just a pigeon.
Well, he isn't up here.
- [ Muffled Scream ] - Tell him to look for the money.
[ Juliet ] Look for the money.
Don't worry. That's exactly what I'm doing.
It's not up here. He has eaten it.
- You looking for me? - [ Whirring ]
Looking for you, yeah.
What for? What did you want? The money? Was that it?
We just wanted to talk to you.
Who else have you just wanted to talk to?
- Maybe you thought they'd already got me. - Who?
Your friends.
I don't know what you're talking about.
- [ Groaning ] - He doesn't know, David.
Maybe you don't.
I'm talking about the police.
- [ Drill Whirs Loudly ] - [ Chuckles ]
[ Gasps ]
[ Footsteps ]
[ Alarm Clock Beeping ]
[ Beeping Continues ]
[ Beeping Stops ]
- [ Footsteps Departing ] - [ Door Closes ]
[ Water Running ]
I thought you'd gone to work.
With a face like this?
[ Phone Ringing ]
Alex, the editor wants to see you.
I'm sorry.
So you should be.
Maybe we can still sort everything out.
Well, we can certainly try.
[ Man ] Three bodies, decomposed.
Mutilated beyond recognition.
- I don't know anything about it. - Of course you don't know anything about it.
If you knew anything about it, I wouldn't have to send you out there to cover it.
- Cover it? - That's right.
- This is your break, son. - Cover it?
Jesus.
[ Groans ]
All right, ladies and gentlemen.
The releasable and print-worthy facts of the day so far are as follows.
Late yesterday afternoon, forestry workers came across...
one set of human remains lying in a grave which appeared to have been recently dug.
Further excavation on our part revealed another, deeper grave...
containing two sets of human remains.
- [ Male Reporter ] is this a serial killer? - [ Male Reporter #2 ] How come they haven't been identified yet?
[ Female Reporter ] How long have they been in the ground?
[ All Talking At Once ]
- [ Male Reporter ] Any obvious motive yet? - [ Female Reporter ] Is it true that one of the bodies had been skinned?
- Not entirely. - [ Male Reporter ] Oh, come on, Ken.
All right, all right.
An area of skin has been removed, and you'd better keep this to yourselves.
There's no hands, no feet, no teeth.
The faces are pulp - totally unrecognizable.
And yes, skin has been removed from one of the bodies.
- [ Female Reporter ] How long have the bodies been there? - [ All Talking At Once ]
As and when the corpses are removed...
we will endeavor to ascertain the mode of death...
and duration of burial, as well as identification -
- [ Female Reporters ] Is this a serial killer? - which will, of course, be passed on to you...
after informing, where possible, the next of kin.
[ Panting ]
[ Engine Starts ]
- Are you okay? - Yes, of course.
Why wouldn't I be?
Don't know. I just thought maybe I was -
We were just sorting things out.
- Well, you better read all about it. - We already know all about it.
- It was on the television. - Of course.
But I think you'll find the print medium provides a more lucid and detailed -
Oh, shut up, Alex.
It wasn't deep enough. I told you it wasn't deep enough, and you wouldn't listen.
It doesn't necessarily matter.
They don't even know who these people are, and even if they did...
they've got nothing to connect us with them - nothing.
[ David ] I'm glad you're so certain, Alex.
Makes us feel a whole lot better.
- I beg your pardon? - It makes us feel a whole lot better.
That's what I thought he said.
[ Cooing ]
- [ Gasps ] - Shh, shh, shh. Stop.
What are you doing here?
It's about me and David.
Oh, the perfect couple, I should say.
- You mustn't take it so badly. - Don't worry.
I'd do exactly the same thing, only I don't think I'm his type.
Don't you ever stop?
No.
[ Creaking ]
[ McCall ] Take all the time you like, Doctor.
No, I've never seen any of them.
Look again if you like.
I'm sorry. I haven't seen them.
Do you think you've got a good memory for faces?
Same as everyone else.
But in your work, you must meet lots of different people every day.
- New people, new faces, no? - Yes.
What do you recognize most, names or faces?
- Diseases. - [ Chuckles ]
Like recognizing criminals by their crimes.
I suppose so.
I meant that's what it's like.
- Sorry? - You said you supposed so...
but I wasn't offering it for debate.
He wasn't offering it for debate.
Like recognizing criminals by their crimes.
[ Siren Wailing In Distance ]
No, I've never seen any of these men before.
Take a look at the first two.
No, I don't know them.
If I told you that their car was parked outside just now...
would that surprise you?
Yes, I suppose so.
Well, is it?
- What? - Parked there.
[ McCall ] No. Not anymore.
I just wondered if it would surprise you.
- That's it. - That's all?
Yes. Sorry to waste your time.
Oh, not at all. Don't worry.
- One thing. - Yes?
- That watch. - What?
- The watch. - Is it real?
Or a fake?
Oh. Uh, no, it's a fake. I picked it up in Thailand.
The second hand doesn't sweep, you see.
- I see. - Right.
Tell you what.
If you do remember these guys...
maybe you could give me a phone on this number.
Anytime you like.
[ Alex ] I didn't tell them anything. Nothing at all.
Absolutely nothing. They're plods. That's all they are.
Look, if they had anything - anything at all -
any witnesses, any forensic evidence -
- they would have whipped it out there and then. - [ David ] They know.
[ Alex ] They can know all they like. It won't do them the slightest bit of good.
- [ David ] They know. - So they know. So what? They have nothing.
Th-There is nothing to connect us with that body stuff.
- Except the money. - He's right, Alex! They know.
[ Ticking ]
[ Ticking Continues ]
[ Loud Thud ]
[ Footsteps Passing ]
[ Line Ringing ]
- [ Ringing Continues ] - Come on, come on.
[ McCall's Voice ] My office is closed.
- Life, however, grinds on towards its conclusion. - Fuck.
In the meantime, you may wish to leave a message...
- but the final decision is yours alone. - [ Footsteps Approaching ]
[ Beeps ]
[ Juliet ] David? You forgot to wake me.
- [ Juliet ] So let's go. - [ David ] You and me?
[ Juliet ] Together.
Hey, Alex!
Who are you calling at this time of night?
- [ Phone Thuds ] - [ Gasps ]
Come out here and talk to us.
Well?
Sex lines, is that it?
Triple-X-rated interactive fantasies? Old habits die hard.
- I was phoning your mother. - You old devil.
Well, anyway...
as you can see, we're leaving.
So I gathered.
Yeah, I'm sorry, but that's the way it is.
- Don't worry about it. I'll forward your mail. - No, really.
I am sorry - sorry to be ducking out on you like this.
- I mean, I hope you won't take it personally. - No, no, no.
Don't let it worry you. Not at all.
- It's probably for the best. - For the best! Exactly.
Hey, I wouldn't want things to end on a downer.
- Not at all. - I mean, we've ups and downs, right?
- Good times, bad times. - [ Chuckles ] Yeah.
Ah. We could talk all night, but we have to go.
- Don't we, Juliet? - Yes.
- And you need your sleep. - Yes.
[ David ] No. Can't think of anything else that matters.
- About your mail - - Ah. It's very good of you to offer, but -
- Where do you think you'll go? - Where will we go?
Where will we go? Juliet?
- I don't know. - [ David ] Don't be so coy, dear.
You're going to Rio.
- What? - That's right.
Rio de Janeiro, on your own.
You should know. You bought the fucking ticket!
Did you see that?
Did she show you that? I'll bet she didn't show you that before she sent you up there.
What did she say? "We'll split it together, you and me, 50-50"?
But I'll bet you didn't say you'd split on him.
- It wasn't like that. - Don't lie to me! Don't treat me like that!
I bought it.
What?
I bought the tickets. One for her and one for me. It was my idea.
Your idea? I see.
Well, that fits.
I mean, you and him fit together.
- I should have seen that a long time ago. - Alex, stop him!
No. Let him go. Let him have it all.
Juliet, let him go!
I'm leaving.
[ Groans ]
You shouldn't have hit her!
You can do what you like, but you shouldn't have hit her!
[ Grunts ]
[ Screaming ]
You want it?
[ Screams ]
[ Shouts ]
You bastard!
[ David Screams ]
[ Juliet Groaning ]
[ Shouts ]
No.
[ Screams ]
[ Juliete Shouts ]
[ Whimpering ]
[ Panting ]
[ Groaning ]
You did the right thing...
but I can't take you with me.
[ Screaming ]
[ Whimpering ]
[ Groaning ]
[ Door Closes ]
[ Alex Groaning ]
[ Exhales ]
[ Moaning, Muffled ] Oh, dear God.
[ Groans ]
I'll be okay. I'll be okay. I'll be -
Oh, I'll be all right.
[ Camera Shutter Clicking ]
[ Chattering ]
Hello, Inspector.
♪♪ [ Folk Pop ]
- [ Man ]♪ There's a certain sound ♪ - [ Juliet Screaming ]
♪ Always follows me around ♪
[ Sobbing ] What did he -
- ♪ When you're close to me ♪ - [ Screaming ]
- ♪ You will hear it ♪ - [ Gasping ]
- ♪ It's the sound that lovers ♪ - [ Airplanes Passing Overhead ]
♪ Hear when they discover ♪
♪ There could be no other ♪
♪ For their love ♪
♪ It's my ♪
♪ Happy heart you hear ♪
♪ Singing loud and singing clear ♪
♪ And it's all because you're near me ♪
♪ My love ♪
♪ Take my happy heart away ♪
♪ Let me love you night and day ♪
♪ In your arms I want to stay ♪
♪ Oh, my love ♪
[ David Narrating ] Oh, yes, I believe in friends.
I believe we need them.
But if one day you find that you just can't trust them anymore -
Well, what then?
What then?
♪ Music fills my soul now ♪
,/' I've lost all control now,»
♪ I'm not half I'm whole now ♪
♪ With your love ♪
♪ It's my ♪
♪ Happy heart you hear ♪
♪ Singing loud and singing clear ♪
♪ And it's all because you're near me ♪
♪ My love ♪
♪ Take my happy heart away ♪
♪ Let me love you night and day ♪
♪ In your arms I want to stay ♪
♪ Oh, my love ♪
♪ La, la, la ♪
♪ La, la, la, la ♪♪
♪♪ [ Electronic Dance ]
[ Man, Distorted ] Flip side.
♪♪ [ Continues ]
Flip side.
♪♪ [ Continues ]
Flip side.
♪♪ [ Continues ]
♪♪ [ Ends ]